I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
