My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
