Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
