I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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