she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
