distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
