So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
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Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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