Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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