we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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