And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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