i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize