I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
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