new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
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