he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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