someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just pee around me
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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