You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
