I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
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Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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