She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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