There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
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