We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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