apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
