you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
