so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
