i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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