Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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