Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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