i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
