Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
