did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
