Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
soo... how was my night?
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