Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
