I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
