I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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