Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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