Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize