I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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