i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
