My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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