he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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