so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
