beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
