I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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