you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
