wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Enjoy the penises
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
