So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
