watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
