So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
God, I missed his penis.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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