shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
