Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
