my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
