Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize