I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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