so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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