I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
