I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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