i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
