So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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