OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
