Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
