We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
We need to rekindle our bromance
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Randomize
