yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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