So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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