i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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