just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
