Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
