The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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