Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
