I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
