So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
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