i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
